Time as a Tool
Dear ones,
At the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, I attended a webcast by Bessel Vanderkolk, one of the world’s leading experts in trauma, about strategies for reducing the traumatic impact of the pandemic on our mental and physical health. The webcast is available on his website for free, if you’d like to watch the whole thing. (You will need to sign up for a newsletter to gain access.)
One of the first things he spoke about was the problem of “unpredictability,” and the ways that not knowing what is going to happen and feeling a lack of control can be foundational conditions for trauma.
In the midst of situations where so much feels unpredictable, Vanderkolk emphasizes the importance of intentionally creating predictability in the ways we can, and recommends creating and sticking to a specific schedule of activities that incorporate care of mind, body, spirit and connection into our every-day routines.
Specifically, he suggests:
Getting up and going to bed at the same time every day
Planning and eating meals at scheduled times
Building in time for physical activity every day, whether indoors, outdoors, or both
Setting aside scheduled time every day for intentional relaxation and stress-reduction activities
Having scheduled “appointments” for social connection, daily and/or weekly
Plan family time and alone time, including set-aside time/space for quiet
Scheduling time for fun and play – whether games, or leisure reading, or hobbies, or movies, etc.
Setting boundaries around engagement with news (via TV, internet, social media, etc.) by scheduling limited time for these activities and not doing them at unscheduled times
Creating a relaxing wind-down routine to follow every night before bed
Creating a schedule and setting aside intentional time for these activities helps increase our resilience and sense of control, and protect us from falling into patterns that don’t serve our health (i.e. checking the news every 6 minutes, watching TV all day), all of which can help to reduce stress. Teaching Tolerance named this as a primary principle for helping children maintain psychological safety through COVID-19 as well – wisdom that is not limited to pandemics alone! – and Yale Medicine agrees.
Of course, it is also important to maintain a sense of self-compassion and flexibility for times when things don’t necessarily go to plan. Planning our time should be in the service of reducing stress, not an additional source of anxiety or self-criticism. As with most things, there is a balance here for each of us to find.
This Self-Care Wheel might help with brainstorming some of the activities to include in your routine, and the creation of a schedule could be an individual and/or family activity, and/or one that is coordinated with friends.
We are living in an unpredictable time, and there’s little we can do to change that. It gives me hope to believe that we can protect ourselves and our loved ones in meaningful ways by creating a sense of predictability where we can.
Peace,
Glynn
